The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

- 1 An unknown state official inserts a provision into a gaming bill that would extend the deadline for Foxwoods Casino. "We believe in transparency," says Foxwoods representative. "And we believe in this transparency cloak that we wore when we slipped that line in."

0 The Drexel Shaft is imploded. By Penn. For the fuck of it.

+ 1 The new Barnes Foundation on the Parkway breaks ground. On the grave of Albert Barnes. For the fuck of it.

+ 6 State Rep. John Perzel is charged with using $10 million in taxpayer money to create computer programs designed to give Republicans an edge at the polls. "Ooh, this man is a monster," says Vince Fumo, "at volleyball. I hope they send him to my prison."

- 4 Police officers from the Ninth District start a campaign to ticket more cyclists to promote bicycle safety. "Of course we know this is bullshit," says officer. "Since drivers are the real problem, because they are licensed by the state and can't even use a turn signal. But whatever, it's easier to pull over a bike."

- 2 The FBI charges Kenneth Pagan with robbing the same Kensington bank twice and then fleeing on a mountain bike; he has yet to be apprehended. Because he obeyed the rules of bicycle safety.

0 Michael Nutter's legislative director, Julie Chapman, resigns suddenly. And as she walks down the street, her limp goes away. And then Kobayashi pulls up in a sedan. And just like that, she's gone.

+ 6 Jose Garces goes head-to-head with New York chef Jehangir Mehta on the Food Network's Next Iron Chef. Secret ingredient: the other chef!

0 After two years in office, Michael Nutter says the comment he gets the most from constituents is that he's doing a tough job at the worst possible time. "Or maybe it's the other way around. I dunno. I'm sleepy."

0 Gov. Ed Rendell, Michael Nutter and officials from CSX announce regional railroad work that will create thousands of jobs in the region. Then CSX's biggest union goes on strike. Sadtrombone.com.

Total for the week: 6 | Last week's total: -3